Complete Surrender

One day, I went before the presence of my God to worship Him and glean from His Word. As I stood there, I felt His eyes boring into the conspicuous sack that I was carrying on my back. It was filled with various trinkets and toys that were precious to me. Some I didn't mind the Lord knowing about... after all, it was He that had given me a love for some of them, like music, children, writing, and so forth. There were others, however, that I would rather that He didn't see. Some of them were the deepest dreams of my heart to which I was clinging tightly and that I didn't want to give up.

That day, as I felt the Lord looking into my sack, He asked me to give Him some of them. At first, it was easy; I wasn't really attached to some of those things (though I enjoyed them), and so I gladly surrendered them to His will. "Yes, Lord, you may have that! I will gladly surrender that to you!" Slowly, the more I got to know my Lord, and the more I realized what His will was for my life, my sack gradually began to empty of the things to which I was clinging. Mysteriously, as soon as items in the sack would be surrendered to the hands of my Heavenly Father, more items would appear.

However, one day, I came to the Lord with a nearly empty sack. I felt I had attained some sort of spiritual plateau and was feeling rather self-satisfied. (How easily I had forgotten that such an attitude is sin!) I thought I had surrendered all the "main things" in my life... surely the Lord would not ask me to surrender more?! The Lord looked into my sack, but to my surprise, He barely gave it a cursory glance. Instead, His brilliant eyes were boring into the sweaty palms of my hands.

"My child, what are you holding in your hands?"

"Nothing, Father. Well, nothing much. Nothing important!" I stammered.

"My child, give me what you have in your hands. It is important to me."

"No, Father, you... you cannot ask that of me!" I cried as I clutched the two items tightly in my palms. I was squeezing them so hard I could feel their sharp edges cutting into my flesh. Yet, I held on tightly, unwilling to let go.

"Very well." My Father's eyes looked exceedingly sad and yearning as I turned away.

After that, it seemed harder to come into my Father's presence. In fact, I began avoiding His presence just so that I could tightly hold on to the two items in my hands. But the tighter I held on, the more they dug into my flesh, causing me pain and grief. That self-inflicted pain turned into bitterness: "Lord, why would you give me these desires and yet ask me to surrender them to you? What if they never come to fruition in my life? How can you do this to me?" And on and on it went. All the while my loving, patient Father stood over me, gently asking for them, but never demanding.

One day the bitterness of my soul and the pain of my self-inflicted wounds became too much for me to bear. I staggered into the presence of my God and said, "God, I don't want to give these things to you! Yet, I know I must because these 'good things' are hurting my relationship with you."

My Father replied, "My child, give them to me. Surrender to me your deepest longings and desires."

"Must I, really? It hurts!"

"It hurts more to keep those dreams and not surrender them to me. Trust me, my child, for I know what is best for you." With that my Father expectantly stretched out His hand.

My hands were sweaty and shaking, yet I knew that I needed to give my Father my deepest dreams. Reluctantly, with a small cry of anguish, I released them into the compassionate hands of my God.

As I did, a strange thing happened. I began to be filled with a joy that I had never known, a peace that was inexplicable, and a budding trust in the fact that my Father really does know what is best for me.