Once Upon a Time... Part Three
My friend had moved to Missouri, and I discovered an odd void in my life. It was an odd feeling... it wasn't like I had seen him every day and suddenly he was gone. But, when he hugged me goodbye, I felt an indescribable sense of loss. I felt like our lives had now permanently gone in 2 different directions and even though we might continue to be friends, we would always be far away. And, I'll be honest-- I was sure that he was going to meet some cute, sweet girl in Missouri that would snatch him up and marry him eventually. (Now there's honesty for you!)
Since my friend's birthday was 4 days after he moved, I thought, "Well, he's probably going to be a little lonesome on his birthday... I'll give him a call." (With every pure motive in the world, of course). He wasn't there, so I left him a message... and he called me back the next day. We chatted for a while and he invited me to come visit him sometime in the spring. After that conversation with him, I had a conversation with the Lord that went something like this-- "Lord, you know what is best for my life and for his life. Even though I feel drawn to him, I do NOT want to do anything outside your will. Lord, if it is your will that we be together, YOU are going to have to work in his life and tell him what to do-- because I'm not going to talk to him about it. Lord... if the boy wants to find me-- he knows where to find me!" With that resolution, I determined that I wasn't going to call him or email him-- I was going to let him make that move.
With that determination, life went on. School had started and I was VERY busy teaching... I really didn't have a whole lot of time for email and phone anyway. Interestingly enough, exactly two weeks after our conversation my phone rang-- it was my friend. He left a message and said that it had been "unbearable" not hearing from me for two weeks. Hmmm... isn't that interesting?! I called him back and we talked for an hour or two.
The next week-- at the same time, the same day... my phone rang again. There he was... and there was another 2 hour conversation. Then the pattern began to develop... in fact, we joked about having our own "show" that we affectionately called "Wednesdays at 8." Every Wednesday night after prayer meeting he would call me... and we'd chat for 2-3 hours. Every week he was as reliable as Old Faithful... and every week our conversations were getting longer.
As this continued through the end of September, through October, and into November, I was looking forward to "Wednesdays at 8" more and more-- I looked forward to it so much, that it worried me. I didn't want to admit it, but my heart was starting to get involved-- a lot. I didn't want to go down that path if it wasn't God's will. So, I kept praying-- and kept my mouth shut about my beginning "feelings" for him.
However... I was starting to get frustrated. My heart was getting involved, our conversations were getting longer and more personal... and I had no idea if he was thinking romantic thoughts toward me. I talked to my best friend about it and she said that if he didn't "define our relationship" by Christmas that I should bring up the topic. I didn't want to... but I couldn't keep talking with him and not knowing where we stood, either.
The middle of October he announced to me that he was coming back to Wisconsin for Thanksgiving... and he asked me if I wanted to get together with him on that Saturday after Thanksgiving. I said, "Yes!" I wondered what that meeting would hold... had the Lord talked with him about "us"? Was he going to tell me he was interested in another girl? Would God give me a clear "Yes" or "No" answer as to my feelings for him? But, I still wasn't telling people... it was still my little "secret" that I thought maybe I had a crush on my long-time friend.
I eagerly anticipated Saturday, November 24th....
To be continued....
Since my friend's birthday was 4 days after he moved, I thought, "Well, he's probably going to be a little lonesome on his birthday... I'll give him a call." (With every pure motive in the world, of course). He wasn't there, so I left him a message... and he called me back the next day. We chatted for a while and he invited me to come visit him sometime in the spring. After that conversation with him, I had a conversation with the Lord that went something like this-- "Lord, you know what is best for my life and for his life. Even though I feel drawn to him, I do NOT want to do anything outside your will. Lord, if it is your will that we be together, YOU are going to have to work in his life and tell him what to do-- because I'm not going to talk to him about it. Lord... if the boy wants to find me-- he knows where to find me!" With that resolution, I determined that I wasn't going to call him or email him-- I was going to let him make that move.
With that determination, life went on. School had started and I was VERY busy teaching... I really didn't have a whole lot of time for email and phone anyway. Interestingly enough, exactly two weeks after our conversation my phone rang-- it was my friend. He left a message and said that it had been "unbearable" not hearing from me for two weeks. Hmmm... isn't that interesting?! I called him back and we talked for an hour or two.
The next week-- at the same time, the same day... my phone rang again. There he was... and there was another 2 hour conversation. Then the pattern began to develop... in fact, we joked about having our own "show" that we affectionately called "Wednesdays at 8." Every Wednesday night after prayer meeting he would call me... and we'd chat for 2-3 hours. Every week he was as reliable as Old Faithful... and every week our conversations were getting longer.
As this continued through the end of September, through October, and into November, I was looking forward to "Wednesdays at 8" more and more-- I looked forward to it so much, that it worried me. I didn't want to admit it, but my heart was starting to get involved-- a lot. I didn't want to go down that path if it wasn't God's will. So, I kept praying-- and kept my mouth shut about my beginning "feelings" for him.
However... I was starting to get frustrated. My heart was getting involved, our conversations were getting longer and more personal... and I had no idea if he was thinking romantic thoughts toward me. I talked to my best friend about it and she said that if he didn't "define our relationship" by Christmas that I should bring up the topic. I didn't want to... but I couldn't keep talking with him and not knowing where we stood, either.
The middle of October he announced to me that he was coming back to Wisconsin for Thanksgiving... and he asked me if I wanted to get together with him on that Saturday after Thanksgiving. I said, "Yes!" I wondered what that meeting would hold... had the Lord talked with him about "us"? Was he going to tell me he was interested in another girl? Would God give me a clear "Yes" or "No" answer as to my feelings for him? But, I still wasn't telling people... it was still my little "secret" that I thought maybe I had a crush on my long-time friend.
I eagerly anticipated Saturday, November 24th....
To be continued....
posted by Chanda Panda | 11:49
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