Once Upon a Time... Part Four

I remember feeling like a cat who had just swallowed a bird-- I was so excited to see my "friend" and to spend the day with him, yet I couldn't tell anyone. Yet, I was sure that the excitement and anticipation was all over my face. I managed to survive that week before November 24, 2007... somehow. :-) Yes, I was excited, and nervous... yet, I had learned that God knows best, that God's will is best, and that I needed to trust God with this issue in my life. I was fully prepared for whatever that meeting would bring-- even if God's answer to my prayers was, "No, you are NOT going to marry him."



So, that Saturday I drove to Madison, Wisconsin and met my friend and another dear friend of ours at Culvers for lunch. Our dear mutual friend, Eddie, was as cheery and friendly as always... but I remember thinking that she had an odd expression on her face at times-- as if she knew something that I didn't. No... that's just my imagination, I reasoned.



So, he and I sat in Culvers with Eddie for a long time... then walked around the mall and explored the calendar and game store... then he took me to supper at Noodles and Co., then, it being early and having no place to go, we went back to the CEF of Madison office. Earlier, we had cleverly locked ourselves out of the main office, so the only thing open was the (rather cold) back hallway.



We sat down, leaning against opposite walls of the hallway, just chatting like we always have. It had been a lovely day... yet absolutely NOTHING had been said about our relationship. NOTHING. I began to feel like the cat with the bird again... how long would I have to endure this agony?! I've had it all wrong all this time, haven't I?! He doesn't care about me in that way, and he never will, so Chanda Panda, just get over it! (Isn't it amazing how we can carry on a conversation with someone AND ourselves at the same time?!)



Then, it happened. After a lull in the conversation he turned to me and said, "So, Chanda Panda... are you ready to have a serious conversation?" Trying to sound calm above the pounding of my heart (which I'm SURE he could hear across the hallway!), I said, "Sure!" He then proceeded to tell me of an amazing journey that God had recently taken him on....

After he had moved to Missouri, my friend was lonely (which is understandable). So, he started calling me, his best friend back in Wisconsin, every week. However, sometime in October God spoke to him very clearly, saying, in effect, "Maybe you need to think about Chanda Panda in another light... I want you to pursue this path with her." My friend was rather surprised, but being who he is, he immediately began to pray and seek God's will about a relationship with me. He never breathed a word of his prayers or his thoughts on the subject. Sometime in November he had an answer from the Lord-- he needed to talk to me about whether God would have us pursue a relationship with the purpose of marriage. He wasn't asking to date me... he was asking me to pray about marrying him one day in the future!

I sat in the hallway and listened... with relief and with awe. He asked me, "So, what do you think about that?" I replied by telling him my story about the journey I had been on for almost a year.

I don't remember the details of that conversation, but I do remember a few things. First of all, I remember the confidence with which he told me that he wanted to pray about this as being God's will. It was a BIG step for him to take-- our friendship would never be the same, no matter which way the conversation turned out. But, he was so confident that he was doing God's will, that he talked to me anyway. Second, I remember that he continually repeated the word "grace." He and I both knew that if this conversation would lead to marriage in the future, that it would only be by God's grace. Third, I very much appreciated the fact that he wasn't considering pursuing me because he "liked me" or even "loved me"-- he was doing this because God had asked him to. At that moment, in that conversation, I didn't need sappiness or romance-- I needed to know that God was the author of this relationship. Lastly, I remember thinking, "If I had ever pictured this conversation, it would have gone exactly as it just did!"

So, I agreed to pray about it with him... he was thinking that maybe we would pray about it for 6 months or so and then go from there. He also intended to talk to my Dad about the possibility of pursuing a relationship with me.

So there, in the CEF hallway, we bowed our heads and prayed-- we prayed for God's will to be done and we prayed to be sensitive to His leading, no matter where He would lead.

I left that night on cloud nine... still not quite believing that I had just had that life-altering conversation. For the first time in my life, I was close to actually being in a relationship for the purpose of marriage!! I excitedly called my Mom and told her what had happened. She was excited for me... not exactly surprised, but my parents were excited for me.

I remember when I got home my Mom asked, "So, how does it feel to almost be in a relationship?" It felt good, and scary, and terrifying... but I knew that God was in it. He had honored my "silence" and my prayers and done what I had asked Him to do-- He had spoken to Jonathan Alden and declared His will.

Jonathan had said we would pray for 6 months... this was November 24, 2007. Six months is a long time... and that's where the story continues.... :-)

Once Upon a Time... Part Three

My friend had moved to Missouri, and I discovered an odd void in my life. It was an odd feeling... it wasn't like I had seen him every day and suddenly he was gone. But, when he hugged me goodbye, I felt an indescribable sense of loss. I felt like our lives had now permanently gone in 2 different directions and even though we might continue to be friends, we would always be far away. And, I'll be honest-- I was sure that he was going to meet some cute, sweet girl in Missouri that would snatch him up and marry him eventually. (Now there's honesty for you!)

Since my friend's birthday was 4 days after he moved, I thought, "Well, he's probably going to be a little lonesome on his birthday... I'll give him a call." (With every pure motive in the world, of course). He wasn't there, so I left him a message... and he called me back the next day. We chatted for a while and he invited me to come visit him sometime in the spring. After that conversation with him, I had a conversation with the Lord that went something like this-- "Lord, you know what is best for my life and for his life. Even though I feel drawn to him, I do NOT want to do anything outside your will. Lord, if it is your will that we be together, YOU are going to have to work in his life and tell him what to do-- because I'm not going to talk to him about it. Lord... if the boy wants to find me-- he knows where to find me!" With that resolution, I determined that I wasn't going to call him or email him-- I was going to let him make that move.

With that determination, life went on. School had started and I was VERY busy teaching... I really didn't have a whole lot of time for email and phone anyway. Interestingly enough, exactly two weeks after our conversation my phone rang-- it was my friend. He left a message and said that it had been "unbearable" not hearing from me for two weeks. Hmmm... isn't that interesting?! I called him back and we talked for an hour or two.

The next week-- at the same time, the same day... my phone rang again. There he was... and there was another 2 hour conversation. Then the pattern began to develop... in fact, we joked about having our own "show" that we affectionately called "Wednesdays at 8." Every Wednesday night after prayer meeting he would call me... and we'd chat for 2-3 hours. Every week he was as reliable as Old Faithful... and every week our conversations were getting longer.

As this continued through the end of September, through October, and into November, I was looking forward to "Wednesdays at 8" more and more-- I looked forward to it so much, that it worried me. I didn't want to admit it, but my heart was starting to get involved-- a lot. I didn't want to go down that path if it wasn't God's will. So, I kept praying-- and kept my mouth shut about my beginning "feelings" for him.

However... I was starting to get frustrated. My heart was getting involved, our conversations were getting longer and more personal... and I had no idea if he was thinking romantic thoughts toward me. I talked to my best friend about it and she said that if he didn't "define our relationship" by Christmas that I should bring up the topic. I didn't want to... but I couldn't keep talking with him and not knowing where we stood, either.

The middle of October he announced to me that he was coming back to Wisconsin for Thanksgiving... and he asked me if I wanted to get together with him on that Saturday after Thanksgiving. I said, "Yes!" I wondered what that meeting would hold... had the Lord talked with him about "us"? Was he going to tell me he was interested in another girl? Would God give me a clear "Yes" or "No" answer as to my feelings for him? But, I still wasn't telling people... it was still my little "secret" that I thought maybe I had a crush on my long-time friend.

I eagerly anticipated Saturday, November 24th....

To be continued....