Once Upon a Time Part Six

(Due to insistence by family and friends to "finish the fairy tale, already!" I write this post. :-) )

I couldn't believe it... after many years of waiting and never having a "boyfriend", I suddenly was engaged-- to my best guy friend!  I wouldn't have had it any other way, though.

As I said, we were engaged on February 25, 2008, but without a ring or a proposal.  

In the fall, after he had just moved to Missouri, Jonathan had said, "Oh, Chanda Panda, you should come visit me in the spring!"  So, even before all of the other "romance" had started, I had "unofficially" figured I would go to Missouri in the spring.  So, we planned that I would come and visit in April.  After our engagement in February we settled on a wedding date-- January 3, 2009 in our home state.

April finally came, and (after recovering from a VERY long influenza bout) my car (Blueberry) and I headed to Missouri together.  

I spent the week working in the Spanish Mailbox Club, which was a real treat!  Then in the evenings Jonathan and I would talk and, in general, adjust to the idea of being together in person instead of him "living" in my phone. :-)  We also had a chance to hang out with some of the Institute students who were still on campus.

He had promised me that there would be "surprises" when I visited in April... but the week was almost over, and I hadn't seen any "surprises."  We went to the CMI banquet and graduation together, but still no surprises.

However, he had told me not to eat supper at CEF on Friday night and he told me to wait in my room at the Volunteer Lodge and not come out until he called me.  Uhhh... okay.

So he "disappeared" somewhere for about 20 minutes and then called me to say that I needed to come out and get in the car.  Uhhh... okay.

I got in the car... still, nothing out of the ordinary.  So, we started driving, and because he took back-roads, I wasn't sure where we were going.  I was a LITTLE concerned when he went the wrong way on the freeway entrance ramp. :-)  (He denied being nervous, but I'm not convinced. :-) ).

So, after driving for about a 1/2 hour we ended up at Stefanina's, an Italian restaurant.  We had a very nice meal there (and I must admit I was thinking, "He wouldn't propose here... would he??  Surely not!!"  I wasn't keen on the idea of a restaurant proposal. :-) ).

So, after dinner we got in the car and drove.  And drove. And drove some more.  They were all backroads and I was so turned around I was beginning to think we were lost.  However, his quiet, nonchalant attitude told me that we weren't lost-- but that he certainly wasn't going to reveal where we were going.

To add to the randomness, he suddenly went to a Dairy Queen that appeared out of nowhere.  He handed me some change and told me to get some ice cream.  WHAT????  (It turned out later that he needed to stop for a very practical reason-- to go to the bathroom-- and I was thankful, because I had the same need!  Both of us were too shy to actually admit that.)

After that rather bizarre detour (you can imagine my confusion at this point), we drove a little more and ended up at a big white building with a big sign that said, "Ashley Community Center."  He said, "Ashley Chanda, welcome to Ashley, Missouri."  A town in Missouri named after me-- how nice!  So, he parked the car in the parking lot, told me to stay in the car, and then fiddled in the trunk for a few minutes.  My car door was open, so he came around to my side of the car, handed me 3 red roses (to say, "I love you") got down on one knee and slipped a paper object on my left ring finger.  

And then... he finally popped the question!!  "Ashley Chanda, will you marry me?"  

"Well... I thought you'd never ask-- YES!"

And then he explained that the paper ring was actually 5 one-hundred dollar bills that we were going to "trade in" the next day for a real engagement ring that I was going to pick out myself.  It was a wonderful evening... and a perfect proposal. :-)

So, the next day we went to the jeweler and I picked out my perfect ring (which they made that day, since I was leaving for Wisconsin the next day).

Then, I had to say goodbye to my sweetie... but in a few more months I would be living in Missouri, working at Child Evangelism Fellowship with him (totally a God-thing!) and getting ready to be married (which is another chapter all together which I will share at another time).

And they lived happily ever after. :-)

Once Upon a Time... Part Five

"Wednesdays at 8" continued without skipping a beat, even after that fateful November 24th conversation. Actually, our conversations didn't change a whole lot... except that we were both praying about marriage.

It was decided that Jonathan would come and visit on December 29th and talk with my Dad about possibly marrying me. He came up to visit me and we went to our favorite spot of all-- A&W-- and had our favorite foods, cheese curds and root beer. I remember that we were both "out of it" because we were so tired from the holidays, but frustrated about that because our time together in person was so limited. Jonathan also admitted later that he was a bit nervous about talking with my Dad. :-) So, he came and visited and talked with my Dad... and my Dad basically told him that if he wanted to marry me, he had my parents' blessing. Jonathan hadn't quite expected that carte blanche, but hey, he'd take it! :-)

The weeks went on... and occassionally we would have "special editions" of "Wednesdays at 8" on days other than Wednesdays. :-) We each wrote out our fears, our concerns, and our questions that we had for the other. We had very deep conversations about our convictions on many topics-- things we would need to agree upon in order to be married. Those conversations were difficult at times, but yet, because our emotions were not altogether involved yet, we could be objective in our analyses. We discovered that we were on the same page... and it started to become obvious that God was calling us to marriage.

Jonathan had said, "Let's pray about this for about 6 months." But, by the end of January, we had come to a decision-- God had very clearly said, "Yes" to our marriage, and we felt that God was asking us to move forward.

This was still a secret-- only our parents and a very few close friends knew that we were even contemplating marriage. And it stayed a secret... until February 25th, 2008. My parents and I took a "secret" trip to Missouri to visit Jonathan. They wanted to talk to him and have some deep conversations with him. Those conversations happened... and so on February 25th we announced our engagement to his department co-workers at CEF Headquarters. It was an amusing event... Jonathan had called together a "special lunch" in one of the classrooms, but wouldn't tell them why. In true "show host" style, he announced to them that there was a special visitor... and then I walked through the door. Most of his coworkers remembered me from when I was at CEF Headquarters 6 years before. Then Jonathan explained a bit of the journey God had taken us on, and then he announced, "And, so... we've decided TO GET MARRIED!" Cheers erupted and there were exclamations of, "I knew it! I just knew it!" It was a fun time... yet slightly surreal.

I remember driving home later that evening and texting Jonathan (something I had never previously done) and realizing that I was engaged to be married-- and that he was my fiance! (I can be a bit dense :-)).

So, I came home, and then the fun began. :-) We started making the announcement to family and friends... the priceless reactions were too many to recount here. :-) The most common reaction was, "Well, it's about TIME you two got together! What took you so long?!" Apparently they knew something we hadn't realized-- that God had made us for each other. :-)

The interesting thing about announcing our engagement on February 25th was that Jonathan hadn't had any opportunity to officially propose and ask me to marry him-- it was a mutual decision that we had both made to commit to marriage. So, there hadn't been a proposal or a ring... that, Jonathan assured me, was coming later.

But, it didn't matter-- we had made a commitment to get married, and THAT'S what mattered. But, I am, after all, a girl... and every girl wants a romantic proposal and a ring.

I was looking forward to getting mine. :-)

Once Upon a Time... Part Four

I remember feeling like a cat who had just swallowed a bird-- I was so excited to see my "friend" and to spend the day with him, yet I couldn't tell anyone. Yet, I was sure that the excitement and anticipation was all over my face. I managed to survive that week before November 24, 2007... somehow. :-) Yes, I was excited, and nervous... yet, I had learned that God knows best, that God's will is best, and that I needed to trust God with this issue in my life. I was fully prepared for whatever that meeting would bring-- even if God's answer to my prayers was, "No, you are NOT going to marry him."



So, that Saturday I drove to Madison, Wisconsin and met my friend and another dear friend of ours at Culvers for lunch. Our dear mutual friend, Eddie, was as cheery and friendly as always... but I remember thinking that she had an odd expression on her face at times-- as if she knew something that I didn't. No... that's just my imagination, I reasoned.



So, he and I sat in Culvers with Eddie for a long time... then walked around the mall and explored the calendar and game store... then he took me to supper at Noodles and Co., then, it being early and having no place to go, we went back to the CEF of Madison office. Earlier, we had cleverly locked ourselves out of the main office, so the only thing open was the (rather cold) back hallway.



We sat down, leaning against opposite walls of the hallway, just chatting like we always have. It had been a lovely day... yet absolutely NOTHING had been said about our relationship. NOTHING. I began to feel like the cat with the bird again... how long would I have to endure this agony?! I've had it all wrong all this time, haven't I?! He doesn't care about me in that way, and he never will, so Chanda Panda, just get over it! (Isn't it amazing how we can carry on a conversation with someone AND ourselves at the same time?!)



Then, it happened. After a lull in the conversation he turned to me and said, "So, Chanda Panda... are you ready to have a serious conversation?" Trying to sound calm above the pounding of my heart (which I'm SURE he could hear across the hallway!), I said, "Sure!" He then proceeded to tell me of an amazing journey that God had recently taken him on....

After he had moved to Missouri, my friend was lonely (which is understandable). So, he started calling me, his best friend back in Wisconsin, every week. However, sometime in October God spoke to him very clearly, saying, in effect, "Maybe you need to think about Chanda Panda in another light... I want you to pursue this path with her." My friend was rather surprised, but being who he is, he immediately began to pray and seek God's will about a relationship with me. He never breathed a word of his prayers or his thoughts on the subject. Sometime in November he had an answer from the Lord-- he needed to talk to me about whether God would have us pursue a relationship with the purpose of marriage. He wasn't asking to date me... he was asking me to pray about marrying him one day in the future!

I sat in the hallway and listened... with relief and with awe. He asked me, "So, what do you think about that?" I replied by telling him my story about the journey I had been on for almost a year.

I don't remember the details of that conversation, but I do remember a few things. First of all, I remember the confidence with which he told me that he wanted to pray about this as being God's will. It was a BIG step for him to take-- our friendship would never be the same, no matter which way the conversation turned out. But, he was so confident that he was doing God's will, that he talked to me anyway. Second, I remember that he continually repeated the word "grace." He and I both knew that if this conversation would lead to marriage in the future, that it would only be by God's grace. Third, I very much appreciated the fact that he wasn't considering pursuing me because he "liked me" or even "loved me"-- he was doing this because God had asked him to. At that moment, in that conversation, I didn't need sappiness or romance-- I needed to know that God was the author of this relationship. Lastly, I remember thinking, "If I had ever pictured this conversation, it would have gone exactly as it just did!"

So, I agreed to pray about it with him... he was thinking that maybe we would pray about it for 6 months or so and then go from there. He also intended to talk to my Dad about the possibility of pursuing a relationship with me.

So there, in the CEF hallway, we bowed our heads and prayed-- we prayed for God's will to be done and we prayed to be sensitive to His leading, no matter where He would lead.

I left that night on cloud nine... still not quite believing that I had just had that life-altering conversation. For the first time in my life, I was close to actually being in a relationship for the purpose of marriage!! I excitedly called my Mom and told her what had happened. She was excited for me... not exactly surprised, but my parents were excited for me.

I remember when I got home my Mom asked, "So, how does it feel to almost be in a relationship?" It felt good, and scary, and terrifying... but I knew that God was in it. He had honored my "silence" and my prayers and done what I had asked Him to do-- He had spoken to Jonathan Alden and declared His will.

Jonathan had said we would pray for 6 months... this was November 24, 2007. Six months is a long time... and that's where the story continues.... :-)

Once Upon a Time... Part Three

My friend had moved to Missouri, and I discovered an odd void in my life. It was an odd feeling... it wasn't like I had seen him every day and suddenly he was gone. But, when he hugged me goodbye, I felt an indescribable sense of loss. I felt like our lives had now permanently gone in 2 different directions and even though we might continue to be friends, we would always be far away. And, I'll be honest-- I was sure that he was going to meet some cute, sweet girl in Missouri that would snatch him up and marry him eventually. (Now there's honesty for you!)

Since my friend's birthday was 4 days after he moved, I thought, "Well, he's probably going to be a little lonesome on his birthday... I'll give him a call." (With every pure motive in the world, of course). He wasn't there, so I left him a message... and he called me back the next day. We chatted for a while and he invited me to come visit him sometime in the spring. After that conversation with him, I had a conversation with the Lord that went something like this-- "Lord, you know what is best for my life and for his life. Even though I feel drawn to him, I do NOT want to do anything outside your will. Lord, if it is your will that we be together, YOU are going to have to work in his life and tell him what to do-- because I'm not going to talk to him about it. Lord... if the boy wants to find me-- he knows where to find me!" With that resolution, I determined that I wasn't going to call him or email him-- I was going to let him make that move.

With that determination, life went on. School had started and I was VERY busy teaching... I really didn't have a whole lot of time for email and phone anyway. Interestingly enough, exactly two weeks after our conversation my phone rang-- it was my friend. He left a message and said that it had been "unbearable" not hearing from me for two weeks. Hmmm... isn't that interesting?! I called him back and we talked for an hour or two.

The next week-- at the same time, the same day... my phone rang again. There he was... and there was another 2 hour conversation. Then the pattern began to develop... in fact, we joked about having our own "show" that we affectionately called "Wednesdays at 8." Every Wednesday night after prayer meeting he would call me... and we'd chat for 2-3 hours. Every week he was as reliable as Old Faithful... and every week our conversations were getting longer.

As this continued through the end of September, through October, and into November, I was looking forward to "Wednesdays at 8" more and more-- I looked forward to it so much, that it worried me. I didn't want to admit it, but my heart was starting to get involved-- a lot. I didn't want to go down that path if it wasn't God's will. So, I kept praying-- and kept my mouth shut about my beginning "feelings" for him.

However... I was starting to get frustrated. My heart was getting involved, our conversations were getting longer and more personal... and I had no idea if he was thinking romantic thoughts toward me. I talked to my best friend about it and she said that if he didn't "define our relationship" by Christmas that I should bring up the topic. I didn't want to... but I couldn't keep talking with him and not knowing where we stood, either.

The middle of October he announced to me that he was coming back to Wisconsin for Thanksgiving... and he asked me if I wanted to get together with him on that Saturday after Thanksgiving. I said, "Yes!" I wondered what that meeting would hold... had the Lord talked with him about "us"? Was he going to tell me he was interested in another girl? Would God give me a clear "Yes" or "No" answer as to my feelings for him? But, I still wasn't telling people... it was still my little "secret" that I thought maybe I had a crush on my long-time friend.

I eagerly anticipated Saturday, November 24th....

To be continued....

Once Upon a Time... Part Two

It was now about a month after that fateful Christmas program. No one knew what turmoil that evening had put me through (except Verity, Sara, and my parents). To everyone else's eyes life continued as normal. Well... as normal as a Chanda Panda life ever is. :-)



In January of 2007 I found myself at Northland Baptist Bible College taking a block grad class called "Cross Cultural Communication." It was a great class... and randomly, my best guy friend's name kept popping up, and I was thinking, "Ooh, he'd love this!" or "Ooh, I wish he were here and we could reminisce about past ministry", etc. THAT was disconcerting... I had surrendered to God (or thought I had) and here I kept thinking about this guy instead of being able to just think of him as being a really good friend. As I recall, I emailed him several times during that week-- something I hadn't initiated in a while.



Fast-forward to March, 2007. Life was miserable. I was in the depths of a spiritual depression... God had let me down, I was confused, and I was not seeking His face. Yet, I still wanted to serve Him-- my way. I tried to go on a missions trip to China-- God said, "No." This friend of mine had asked me to go to the Dominican Republic with him... this time, God very clearly spoke to me and said, "No. He must go alone." I was disillusioned, discouraged, and as far from God as I could probably get. However... God in His mercy rescues His "Jacob" children (see post entitled "My Name is Jacob")... and in early April God had broken me and put me back together again. I found a joy and contentment that I had never known before.



From April to August I relished that new-found contentment. I had told the Lord that I would be willing to do whatever He wanted, go wherever He wanted, and be single for the rest of my life (which looked like a fairly certain prospect, in my mind). I felt that the single servant's life for me included going to grad school and getting my education degree. So, that summer I worked and applied to grad school at my parent's encouragement. Still... something about that wasn't right. I couldn't put my finger on it, but it didn't seem like what God wanted. However... I pressed on.



On August 1st, we received a phone call that rocked my world-- my grandma had cancer. On August 2nd, I received a phone call that further rocked my world-- I had been denied admission to grad school. The next two weeks involved surgery for my grandma, visits to Milwaukee to be with her, and visits and phone calls to colleges to try and salvage my graduate college education and still get into classes by the end of August. I met barrier after barrier, until finally I gave up and determined that God had, once again, put roadblocks in my path to keep me from doing something that wasn't His will.



At that point, I came to a life-altering decision-- I would stay in Wautoma and teach, and I would no longer "spin my wheels" and seek to make things happen in my life. If God wanted me to leave Wautoma, then God would have to do it. Otherwise, I just planned on teaching at Faith Christian Academy for the rest of my life-- seriously. And that was all right-- because I knew God was in it, and I had learned (the hard way!) that God can be trusted and that God is faithful.



Meanwhile, back to my "friend"... I saw him several times that spring and summer. God was doing AMAZING things in his life... opening doors in his life while God was at the same time closing doors in mine. I was excited for my friend... but I was a bit miffed, too, because he was getting to do all the things that God had denied me. My friend was going to move out of state because he had been offered a ministry job... my friend was going to be at Christian Youth in Action training for two weeks full-time while I would only be there part-time... my friend was going to spend the summer in the Dominican Republic and Puerto Rico. And even more distressing... that "list" of objections that I had always had about marrying this friend of mine began to disappear. As I ministered with him and spent time with him that summer, I began to realize that God was making him into the kind of man that I could spend the rest of my life with.



But, I had surrendered to singleness... and I was happy in singleness!! And this friend of mine was NOT thinking romantic thoughts toward me... I knew that. But yet... here I was, thinking that he'd make some girl an awfully good husband. And I was starting to think that maybe I wanted that girl to be... me. But, no... I wasn't going to go down that path and be disappointed. So, I prayed. I prayed that God's will would be done... in his life, and in mine. And I prayed that God would use us in the ministries He had given to us.



September, 2007, found me at my friend's parents' house at his going away/ birthday party. It was a family affair, really... yet I was invited. I felt completely at home... yet a little out of place as pretty much the only "non-family" member. He was moving to Missouri... and I was staying in Wisconsin. And so I said goodbye to my friend... and goodbye to any thought that there could ever be anything more between us than a deep friendship.



To be continued....

Once Upon a Time... Part One

Once upon a time, in a land not too far away (Central Wisconsin, in fact), there lived a girl who had experienced many things in the year 2007. This is her year (and her story) in concise form. This will update this blog... with the purpose of glorifying God's wonderful name, for He has done marvelous things!!

It was December 10th, 2006-- the date of the annual Christmas program at Faith Baptist Church/ Faith Christian Academy. It was promised to be a fun, entertaining, and God-glorifying program. We had prepared for weeks, and finally, we were on stage!! I had been on stage pretty much all evening playing the piano, but I hadn't seen who was in the audience until right before the drama, when I stood up to sing a song with 3 of my friends. I stood on stage with a smile on my face and scanned the audience. Yes, I knew most of those faces. Suddenly, my smile froze in place and I felt my heart doing odd thumpings-- an unexpected reaction to seeing that familiar face. Familiar face it was... the face of a long-time friend... the face of my best guy friend. He had come. He had come all the way from Madison... just to see our play... to see ME. The rest of the evening was... interesting. He and I chatted with my parents, and he hung around to chat for a while. He gave me my very first college graduation card-- he had remembered that I had just finished college. He gave me a hug, and then he left.

The confusion and turmoil I felt was completely unexpected and completely unreasonable. I spent a good portion of the evening chatting with Verity and Sara in the bathroom (typical girl meeting place :-) ). I proceeded to list all of the reasons why I could never, ever be interested romantically in this friend of mine. Then Verity asked, "If God asked you to date him and marry him, would you be willing to?" Without hesitation I replied, "No!" My good friends then assured me that I needed to take that to God... because I was absolutely refusing to surrender that to Him. They promised to keep me accountable and ask me eventually if I had surrendered to God. Well, I finally did... and in the back of my mind I thought, "If I surrender this to God, then God won't ask me to do it! He just wants me to surrender."

Oh, Chanda Panda... if only you knew what was ahead in the coming days.... :-)

To be continued.... :-)

Define this...

Caravan: some sort of car (isn't it?)

Heard at a Christian school near me. :-)

Bekah Love

I am a hopelessly biased "auntie"... I think my niecelings and nephlings are just the cutest people to have walked the face of the earth in recent history (I know someone is going to throw that statement back at me when I have my own children, but for now, I am still hopelessly biased). There is nothing quite like having a child love you, trust you, and want to spend time with you. Sunday I had the loveliest experience of having my little nieceling, Bekah, who is a year and a half old, call me by my NAME!! That's right, folks, she was running around church yesterday saying, "Ashley, Ashley!" So incredibly cute! That totally made my day and will quite assuredly be a highlight of the week. :-)


The other highlight Sunday was being able to hold Bekah's little brother, Jared, for the first time. If you look up "precious" in the dictionary I'm sure you'll see his picture. It always gives me an incredible sense of awe to hold a new baby. God has made each one different and unique and has placed in that tiny body a personality that is just bursting to come out as the baby grows. When I hold that bundle of sweetness in my arms I think of the holy trust that God has given to the parents and to all who will influence the life of that child. As much fun as children are, and as cute as they can be, their training is nothing to be taken lightly.


May the Lord find me faithful to be a good example to my niecelings, nephlings, students, and (mayhaps one day) my own children. "Lo, children are an inheritance of the Lord...."

Fourth of July Fun!




Bekah Love!

Book time with Bekah at the Dobbertins... she crawled up by me and we started a book together! :-)